This is why teenagers are the only ones who learn guitar

So the image that comes into you head (ok, my head) when thinking of someone learning the guitar is that of a teenager spending hours in his room, plucking away. I don't know if this is how it actually is, but I can't be far off.

I just don't have that kind of time. And I don't know what to do about it.

Also, I originally had the guitar in the living room, but then the baby started to get all up in there. So now it's in the bedroom, so I only see it in the morning and at night, and therefore don't think about it.

Side note to Conor: I think I'm going to go with a cowboy song, since you said something about cowboy chords. Some Willie might be good.

Groovy

Ouch. My fingers have grooves in them, and they hurt.

Tim tells me this is normal, and that I'll adjust.

This is probably true, or else I would have noticed all of the people walking around with deformed fingers.

I attempted to move on to the Lesson 2 and the C and G chords, but realized that I couldn't immediately go back and forth between them, or back to the E from last week. I could remember the E, but only if I thought about it. So, I played E for about 15 minutes with various strumming patterns.

It's frustrating, and I realized that this is so because it's been a really long time since I learned something completely new.

As a teacher, this is an interesting insight (and one that I'd recommend to all in the profession). It's been so long since I've learned something new that I'd forgotten what it was like to do so. I don't mean new pieces of information, but an entirely new process or way of thinking.

When we're young, we learn all sorts of completely new things, all the time. Put one step in front of the other. Loop your letters like so. Don't cross streams. But gradually, all those new things just become so much scaffolding upon which new information is built. But most of the new stuff isn't new, not really. It's like the old stuff, just slightly different.

I should remember what learning is like; it will make me a better teacher.

Tim is unalarming

Ok, so I had to ask the wife where the guitar was. Turns out it was the foundation of a precariously balanced structure of baby items. Protip: start with the top of the pile, not the bottom.

So I have a guitar. I start up Garageband again, and choose "Guitar Lesson 1: Intro to Guitar."

You can tell I stole that image from Apple by the pretty reflection.

I am greeted by an absolutely unalarming person named, unalarmingly enough, Tim. Tim begins as any music teacher would, by introducing the parts of a guitar: Body, strings, frets, etc. Is that thing really called a nut?

Then we talk about tuning, Tim and I. It seems that my Mac can tune my guitar. You pluck a string into the mic, and an on-screen display tells you whether to tighten or loosen. It's not perfect, but it's pretty close and who am I to judge?

Next we move on to learning how to strum. We accomplish this through an E chord. First, I have to learn how to do an E chord.

Tim tells me to cup my left hand like I'm holding an orange. Then, he tells me to place the tip of my index finger against the third string at the first fret. Done. Now, I'm supposed to place my ring finger at the second fret on the fourth string. No problem. Finally, Tim says that I should arrange my middle finger so that it is on the fifth string, also at the second fret.

I think I broke my hand.

After finding that I can't, in fact, place my middle and ring fingers directly on top of each other, I realized that it's probably ok to just have them near the second fret. Guitar people can tell me if I'm wrong here.

Anyway, Tim strums and I strum. The sounds are somewhat similar. I have to open my left hand, as my palm seems to be muting the first string. Tim makes this seem easy, and I'm sure that it's not.

I'm not going to do another lesson for a few days, we'll see how this E chord thing works out.

Intro

I got the new version of iLife yesterday, including Garageband. As I don't know how to play any musical instruments, I haven't ever really given the previous version anything more than a perfunctory once-over. I imagined that the same would be true this time as well, and started up Garageband '09 after having taken the tour through iPhoto, iMovie, iThis, and iThat.

Upon opening the program, I was presented with this screen:



Huh. So Apple wants to teach me how to play an instrument. I could use my computer for something worthwhile and personally fulfilling, instead of looking at lolcats or being pissed off. Lacking a piano, but possessing an old Yamaha that's been floating around my family for a while, the choice of what to attempt is easy.

So, here's the question: Can Steve Jobs teach me guitar?

Let's find out.